Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
