i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
