your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
