the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
