I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
