Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
