i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
