Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
