dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
