I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
