The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
