I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
how does that bad decision feel?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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