if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Bring me that man meat
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
