Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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