my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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