my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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