hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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