i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
