Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
