It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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