At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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