Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
