I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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