Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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