omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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