Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
