I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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