Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
