so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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