I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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