Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Please, let me fuck your mom
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
