So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
