my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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