I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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