My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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