I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Someone came in the potted fern
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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