Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
