i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
