4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
