Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
