Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
