im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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