why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
