YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
