there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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