I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
