I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
...so i touched it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
