a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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