how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
