I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My vagina just recognized that song.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
