What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
