two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm just crazy horny about you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize