seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
