no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
