Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
