its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Are my feet made of real feet?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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