My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
