My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
