he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
