I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
