I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
