Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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