i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
