season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
