"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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