she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
