the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
