he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm too high and old for this...
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