so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
