I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You are the jesus of drinking
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize