I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
