So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
