Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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