"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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